Finding Jeabus... Or the remote...

I was talking today with a coworker of mine today about things in the past that I need to forgive and try to forget. She seems to think that if I find my spiritual side that it will help me get through.. I ponder this for awhile and i still stand by my decisions to be be who I am today. Why do I need to find god now? Where the hell was he when I was so young and innocent and I needed him? Yeah that's right he wasn't there.. Go ahead and make all the excuses you want to rationalize why he was there but there was nothing he could do about. Thats a load of bullshit! I was once told someone wasn't praying for me so he didn't know what was going on.... Ok 2 things... I thought that GOD was ever knowing.. If he is all great and powerful then why the hell did he not see what was going on whith me??? Also who just prays that no one molest my child, grandaughter, friend, niece, cousin, etc?? As I kneel down at my bed at night and pray about all the things I would need to pray about to make sure god knows to watch out for all of the people I know and love I think it would take days..."Dear God, Please watch over said friend and make sure she don't choke on her water, stub her toe, get sick, cut finger off, etc, etc...... I digress.. Anyways, When all is said and done I will say what gets me through is good friends, good family, good boyfriend, a little alcohol every once and awhile, and the thought of what hurts me makes me stronger.. I guess I would not be the person I am today if the events of my past did not happen. Some I wish never happened, some I regret, and some are the most awesome things that have ever happened.. But to spend my whole life praying to a god that was never there for me is the most useless thing i could ever do.. Why waste my time when I could be enjoying life and the people who love me and are there for me...So I have not, will not ever find Jeabus.... But I have found the remote... It's under the couch..... I think Jeabus hid it there........

Invisability... I think I got it..

Well somedays are good and somedays are bad. Like normal.. But some days I go through them with my super awesome invisability powers. I am wondering right now if I fell and cracked my dome if people in this room would notice. No this is not a depressing feel sorry for me cry for sucide note..... Far from it... I love my life... for the most part... I am a woman can I entirely ever be happy... But I am so happy for days off when I sit here and breathe and take up space. I guess sometimes I should have a penis so people would listen to me. As if anything said with a penis would make it anymore important. But yeah.. I guess if I did have a penis I would always assume I was right and I would argue and yell above you to intimidate you with my ever knowing manhood because I am a man and I am always right.. Excuse me while I go and piss standing up and all over your toilet seat...

Ummm Yeah...

So why do a blog? Who the hell would want to read something that I write? Maybe I feel important enough to tell a story. Maybe people want to laugh about it. Maybe people will talk about on the bus on their way to work. Probably not.... I am not a poet or an artist. I am not beautiful with my words. I am not an expert in anything. I am not a mother. I am not an expert coupon clipper. I don't know much about electronics. I do not cook as a matter of fact I hate cooking.. I am not into fashion or wine. I do not take any interesting vacations or travel the world. Wow I am pretty boring huh? I can tell you what I am though.... I am a dreamer. I am a caring individual. I am quirky at times. I am emotional. I am confused. I am someones daughter. I am someones girlfriend. I am helpful when I can be of help. I am survivor. I am me... Not sure where this blog is going to go or if anyone will follow me on this journey.. But I do know one thing and it doesn't matter how many followers I have because I am not a high schooler that defines my popularity on how many people read my shit. This is not MySpace or Facebook. Hell if I am just typing words that I only read I guess I could just call this my journal. But anyways hopefully I will have some important and maybe some inspiring things to say at some points in this blog.. If not its a good place to get stuff off of my chest.. So to my capitve audience of one I welcome you....