Shattered dreams.

So away we don't go.. My dreams of a house and a baby have officially been shattered.. I guess ripped out, chewed up, spit out and shit on for a better description. I feel now that my life is at a standstill. I don't need a house.. I would like one but its not a need. I do however want a baby. In getting old and I am so scared that when the time comes if ever that I will not be able to have one. It is further magnified by all the people I know that are having babies or that are pregnant right now. For now I will just try to keep my heart from breaking more each day that I know that I might not ever near a child......

Away we go...

Sometimes you want to crawl under the covers and not come out for a couple months.. I am so not ready to make adult decisions. I don't want to go but I also don't want to stay. So many emotions of feeling trapped or stuck in the same situation. I don't know if I am coming or going these days. Stomach is constantly in knots. I hope we are making the right
Decision.... I hope we don't get ahead of ourselves.. I know it's easy to play it safe but safe is good. I want to move forward not in reverse. I am petrified.. I am trying to calm down but I am so scared shitless of change it isn't even funny.. So away we go with hopefully a new adventure I guess..